Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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