I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
