well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
