he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
