Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You've changed since you got that strap on
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
