Sry I called you an 8
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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