so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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