i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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