he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
