His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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