And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
