8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
is wine microwaveable?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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