Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
