Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
