I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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