Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
