Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
