Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I cannot find my penis.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
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