Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Come on in and take your pants off
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