if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have aggressive nipples.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
