But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
