Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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