So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
