I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
