I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
