Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
