My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
