You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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