chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
