Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
