Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
