well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
