So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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