The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
