Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
