I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
