just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
