yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
