One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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