So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
