to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
