My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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