oh god the rape fog is back!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Someone shattered a urinal.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Randomize
