I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
