i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Girls should come with a carfax report
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
