I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
