I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
