yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my poor anus
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
