I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm passing your future prison.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
