Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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