You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
