sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
